On August 5, I went to Wakayama with my father to fish. I woke up early as soon as I drove my car. We left the house at 5:00 a.m. We enjoyed driving midnight. We arrived at Hidaka town 7 am.
There was a very beautiful sun and the weather was fantastic. The beach was marvelous and seawater was very clear. I could hear refreshing sound of wave. I felt the lively sea breeze. Other anglers have already caught several fishes.
We prepared for fishing and threw the hook that put bait in the sea. Immediately, the fish will bite my tool. I could the very beautiful fish. The fish is “Kisu”. Kisu is slender and pearl pink as if queen under the sea. I caught a big fish in a few minutes. I was surprised very much because the Kisu was 25 centimeters. I have not caught such a big fish so far. When it was noon, the temperature was 30 degrees Celsius. We couldn’t fish.
Consequencely, we caught about twenty fishes. We went home, and cooked it tempura. I made the biggest fish sashimi. It was specially taste because, I caught it myself. I’m happy in that I spent good summer vacation with my father.
I am glad that you have already submitted a blog on your summer vacation.
We shall discuss how we should go by for narrative writing in class in Sept. and October.
Think in one sentece what to tell what you did to your friends in one sentence, so that you can convey how it was.
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:04 am
> On August 5, I went to Wakayama with my father to fish.
to fish vs for fishing – check the dictionary for the differences
> I woke up early as soon as I drove my car.
action – funny? which action takes before which action?
> We left the house at 5:00 a.m.
as early as 5 a.m
5:00 vs 5
> We enjoyed driving midnight.
midnight – after 0:00
> We arrived at Hidaka town 7 am.
am vs. a.m.
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:04 am
> We arrived at Hidaka town 7 am.
am vs. a.m.
arrive – destination, time –both use preposition of “at”
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:05 am
> There was a very beautiful sun and the weather was fantastic.
a sun — not with ‘there was’
use of ‘there is/was’ – check your dictionary or grammar/ usage book
> The beach was marvelous and seawater was very clear.
clear — check a thesaurus for more vivid adjectives?
> I could hear refreshing sound of wave.
sound vs. sounds
wave vs. waves ???
> I felt the lively sea breeze. Other anglers have already caught several fishes.
lively – check a thesaurus
Other anglers – other means the rest
fish vs. fishes
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:08 am
> We prepared for fishing and threw the hook that put bait in the sea.
that put — relative pronous – which is the subject?
a person puts something on the hook
the hook where a person puts a bait
the hook with the bait –> simple and concise
> Immediately, the fish will bite my tool.
tense
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:12 am
> I could the very beautiful fish.
a verb is missing?
> The fish is “Kisu”.
tense
> Kisu is slender and pearl pink as if queen under the sea.
use of ‘as if’ — requires a clause, not a noun phrase
> I caught a big fish in a few minutes.
caught –> succeeded / managed to catch
a big fish –> is this another fish or the same fish as the above
a v.s. the fish
> I was surprised very much because the Kisu was 25 centimeters.
length —> xxx long
> I have not caught such a big fish so far.
so far –> in the past
> When it was noon, the temperature was 30 degrees Celsius.
weak ‘it was’ –> make it more active –> the temperature rose to xxx
> We couldn’t fish.
Why not? Explain.
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:13 am
> Consequencely, we caught about twenty fishes.
Consequencely – not appropriate here?
After all?
> We went home, and cooked it tempura.
it — what does it refer to?
what we caught
the catch?
> I made the biggest fish sashimi.
sashimi — not yet an English word? but it is OK here.
the difference of sashimi and sushi
I cleaned and sliced the fish/ what we had just caught to produce the largest sashimi or ‘raw fish.’
> It was specially taste because, I caught it myself.
What does ‘It’ refer to?
the logic of a comma ‘,’?
> I’m happy in that I spent good summer vacation with my father.
tense
usage of ‘in that’ –> not appropriate here?
Comment by advcomp — September 25, 2008 @ 2:17 am
I have updated to compile links on the right sidebar for the class weblogs (old and new).
Comment by advcomp — October 9, 2008 @ 7:24 am